this just in

Apparently, we have all been exercising wrong. This is what the trainer at Bally's told me yesterday when I was there to redeem my free guest pass for a swim but had to endure a long sales pitch which included his visualization tool, "Think of yourself as a Barbie doll dipped in butter...." He claimed that the more cardio you do, the more the butter; i.e., fat, will melt away to "lean you out." Oh.

How to accomplish this? Walk on the treadmill with a speed of 3.8 for 45 minutes in the mornings 5 days a week, he says. And do your weights later in the day when you are not tired so you can devote full attention to each movement. Lift your weights one arm at a time, alternating each arm. Do 3 sets of 6 reps. Increase your weights up to 20 pound dumbells over time. A 20 pound dumbell? That hardly seems like a dumbell at that size.

He claims that 5 pound dumbells are more or less useless and worse. In fact, "they will cause your muscles to atrophy. You are training your muscles to lift less and less weight and become over-tired." This advice from a person who said that the pool stays empty all day. By the time I escaped his sales pitch, the pool was full of crooked swimmers. The man in my lane kept veering over. And I had to navigate another man's very wide backstroke with every lap. Keep your arms in your own lane!

I have heard so much conflicting weight lifting advice, it is ridiculous. Why is there so much conflicting advice out there? I find it annoying. I am sticking to my 5-pounders. I will let you know if I can barely lift a can of tomato sauce after 5 weeks.